One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
