I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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