ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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