tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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