I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize