so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize