Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
