Acid is not a monday night drug
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
