sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
