So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
