Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
