nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
