i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
