dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
