Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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