I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
