i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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