onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize