farters have to be the big spoon...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
