Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
