i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
