I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
