I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
