I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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