i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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