I should be sponsored by Trojan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
