so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
