then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
