Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
