They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
