I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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