Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
