Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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