i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
