wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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