you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
