I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
