at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
