I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
