Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
