I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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