What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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