so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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