I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
