She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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