Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
