Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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