You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
