is your mom at the bar?
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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