Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
