My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
