His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
