How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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