ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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