I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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