1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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