do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
