oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
