He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
