thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
