this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
