ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
honey bunches of taint.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
