i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
