Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
