Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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