The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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