I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
