just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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