check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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