i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
