I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
