she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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