Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
