i already hear my dad disowning me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
